(Closed) You’re spending too much money

posted 12 years ago in Money
Post # 17
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m glad you and your Fiance were able to find a budget that worked well for you and that allowed you to have the wedding you wanted without making uncomfortable expenditures,

Having said that, weddings are not one-size-fits-all and what worked for you is not necessarily feasible for another bride for reasons that have nothing to do with her ability to make reasonable financial decisions.

It’s condescending and judgmental to imply that people who have made choices that you wouldn’t for reasons of which you are entirely ignorant are engaged in “pointless” spending or are insufficiently aware of the import of the day itself.

Your values are your own, and that’s perfectly fine.  You make a good case for being conscious and conscientious before pulling out the checkbook or credit card.  Implying that those who ascribe to another set of priorities are somehow foolish isn’t necessary for you to make that point, however.

Post # 18
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@mightysapphire: thanks for the reminder.  I might have been a little bit snarky in my post. 

Sorry! 🙂

Post # 19
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with those that say we shouldn’t judge brides who spend “too much” on their weddings. Everything is relative. To some, $2000 is an exorbitant amount of money! People in third world countries probably think spending that much on one day is insane. You can never judge your choices by any other standards than your own. If a  bride feels comfortable with spending $200,000 on her wedding, I think we should be just as excited for her as we are for you having your $2,000 wedding, which sounds lovely btw!

Post # 20
17 posts

I couldn’t agree more with the original poster!  I know a lot of you who may have dreamed of all the pretty things of your wedding but realistically paying the average $20,000 for a wedding is outrageous.  I’m planning mine for under $5000.  It’s tough, but I don’t care for taking out loans to solve my problems or pay for a wedding that is one day and can stretch for years to come!  Personally, I want to marry my Fiance, not put us in the RED, especially since eventually I want to have a house and family.  You never know what could happen to you tomorrow–medical emergency, loss of job, and having savings is important.


One suggestion is to allot yourself one nice dream purchase.  The dream shouldn’t be the event, it should be the marriage and time together after the ONE DAY EVENT!


But if you’re affluent and can afford to spend thousands of dollars–enjoy it!  However, consider how much you’re spending for one day, maybe you’d like to put that towards something else you can flaunt Wink

Post # 21
17 posts

Oh and I know $5000 gets further in certain states….just to put that out there!

Post # 22
34 posts
  • Wedding: November 2010

however much you decide to spend on your wedding is entirely your (and your Fiance, parents or whoever is paying) decision. it really is your day and whatever makes you guys happy i think is just fine. doesn’t matter if it’s $2million or $2000.

Post # 23
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

When I first started planning my wedding, I felt a bit like this too.  And sometimes when I think about other things we could be doing with all that money, it makes me cringe a bit.  That said, I have learned so much in the course of my planning, I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. 

Setting a budget with my Fiance and watching our money grow toward our mutual goal has been great and has brought us closer together and makes me excited about our next goal and the goal after that and after that.  We have laid the groundwork for success in our marriage by setting and reaching our goals. 

Friends are buying plane tickets and making plans.  People who rarely get to see each other will be together at our wedding and I can’t wait to have this experience with them.

I am closer to my mom because of the bonding we have done over DIY and the planning.  That’s priceless. 

Yes, I could have all of these things without spending as much on my wedding, but you know, we set our budget and have made our plans and we LOVE the wedding we are going to have and the experience we are giving our friends and family. 

Spend the amount of money that is right for you.  To each his own. 

Post # 24
3340 posts
Sugar bee

@msgthoney: No worries!  I saw this as a hot button topic, so I wanted to put it out there.  I know a little reminder helps me now and then too!

Post # 25
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My budget is around $5000. I, too, believe that the wedding industry has some of us a bit brainwashed into frivolous spending–just like the greeting card/candy/flower folks have us brainwashed into buying lots of things for Valentines Day! However, I look at some of my big-ticket wedding expenditures as investments not only in my wedding and captured memories but in the arts and my community.

We bought my e-ring (and will buy my wedding band) from an artisan jeweler on Etsy. She does great work and has wonderful artistic vision, and I am happy to spend several hundred dollars on wearable art.

Our ceremony will be held at a chapel on our university campus, and the fee goes to a fund to preserve the chapel and its original mission.

Our reception will be held at a local venue (in a lovely historic building) that hosts art exhibitions, dance gatherings, and other community events, and our rental fee will help to ensure that this space does not shut down during these tough economic times.

Our musicians will be local musicians, likely friends. Because they provide professional-level musical performances, we will pay them a professional rate, even though they are friends and we could ask them to play for free, as a wedding gift to us. Many people balk at the high price of musicians, but think about this: a violin alone can easily cost $20,000 (or much more), and these people likely practiced hours a day for years to achieve their level of expertise.

Likewise, we are happy to support a local photographer who focuses on portrait art. His work shows off his subjects’ best features, and we believe that he brings happiness to his customers.

Also, since the majority of our guests will be coming from across the country (or even from out of the county), we feel that providing them with a meal that they couldn’t easily make at home is important. They have put a lot of time, energy, and money into coming to support us, and we want to provide them with the best possible experience.

That said, my dress cost $187, we’re incorporating as many DIY elements as possible, and we’re trying not to buy into the consumerism too much!

Post # 26
15 posts

I respect your decision to keep your wedding on a budget.  But I agree with the other posters that you shouldn’t judge other people for how they choose to spend their money.  If you can afford an expensive wedding and would like one, why not?

And there’s nothing wrong with spending money to support the wedding industry.  The economy is down, and the retail and service sectors are hurting because people aren’t spending as much money.  Many people’s jobs–photographers, florists, bakers, stationers, wedding coordinators, DJs–depend on people shelling out money for weddings.  The people having big budget weddings are just helping the economy 🙂

Post # 27
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am gonna have to agree w/ the OP. Sorry gals just my little ole opinion. I think it is silly to spend so much on one day. MYSELF included.. I wish the wedding industry didn’t pressure brides into this is “The MOST important Day of your LIFE” crap. But I am not judging any one who decides to spend more. I just wish it wasn’t like that and that the wedding day isn’t brought down to how much you spent OR saved. But of how you are bringing two lives together to make a new family. 


Post # 28
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@cakelove – great point! thanks for bringing it up.

Post # 29
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

come on guys!

this poster is probably a vendor, about to come out with a book or blog.  that is why she has such a controversial title and is encouraging people to inbox her.

if you have it to spend and think its worth it, no probs.  i spent more than 2k on my gown.  so what.  to each their own.  im sure her book will have lots of interesting ways to save money…

Post # 30
113 posts
Blushing bee

I do agree that people tend to get overly extravagant for weddings. Many of them simply cannot accept the fact that they simply cannot afford the type of wedding they envision and go into debt for years over it (I have family and friends who spent close to $30,000 on their weddings and are still paying them off! Now they have major regrets!) But let’s face it.. many of us live in a country that is based entirely on debt and the idea of debt and spending beyond your means is acceptable and expected.

I cannot even pull off a budget of $2,000 on the 40 guests we will be having at our wedding. And I simply have to accept the fact that weddings are an expense. I want to have one and therefore there are certain things then that I must pay for. I am fairly frugal–and while it is hard for me to fathom spending the equivalent of my entire student loans on one day–I accept this is a once in a lifetime event. Rather than trying to get off making this day as cheap as possible–I want to focus on stretching my money as far as I can.

I am having my wedding at a B&B over the weekend–so rather than one night the party can last for the entire weekend since we have the entire house to ourselves  (this justifies the expense for the venue).

I am only inviting 40–just close family and friends

My e-ring and wedding band are small & simple and under $1000 combined.

My dres was $350. I am spending even less on flowers.

Post # 31
767 posts
Busy bee

It’s pointless to go to a fancy french restaurant instead of McDonalds or cooking for yourself!

It’s pointless to live in a clean pretty apartment with lovely windows and light and a nice kitchen in a convenient location instead of a tiny cramped place!

It’s pointless to have a new or two year car when the ten year old runs!

Um, what the hell is the money for?

Should you save it to be buried with it? 

Some people don’t have any extra money – but you realize that some people do right?  And some people get a lot of enjoyment out of french food? 

There are pluses to budget weddings and pluses to platinum weddings and pluses to mid range weddings.  And minuses.  It’s okay, really.


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