(Closed) “You’re spoiling your baby.”

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She’s only a baby once. Spoil her. Seriously – sounds like you’re doing nothing wrong and you know how you want to raise her. Next time someone says you’re spoiling her tell them you are because she’s only X months old once.

Post # 4
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh a lot of babies go through what you are describing. A lot of toddlers too. It’s no big deal.

Post # 5
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have no idea what people mean when they say ‘parenting models’ because honestly I just did what felt right with my son. But I will say this, maybe a day a week she should spend with a nanny or other family member? If this isn’t reasonable I totally understand it, but there is a lot to be said for her to have someone else with her for a few hours a day every week without you there. It’s admirable that you stay home, I was able to til my son was 9 months and it was a great time for me. I’m sorry I probably wasn’t much help, but you have to do what you think is right for your family and your child. It really isn’t anyone else’s place to tell you what to do, but if you think they are right then it’s a decision you have to make. I always allowed my son a good half hour in his play pen with toys and stuffed animals without me interfering or holding him, it was a good thing for him.

Post # 6
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it’s normal for a child to prefer their primary caregiver.  We parented very much like you describe and while one son didn’t care at all who held him, another strongly prefers me, even over his dad.  You’ve created a bond with your child and this is simply one phase of her development, not an indication of something you need to change.  I think it has more to do with perceived rejection on the part of the person holding her when she starts crying.  Keep trusting your instincts. 

Post # 7
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You’re doing nothing wrong. Your baby needs you the most and probably feels more comfortable in your arms…which is how it should be!

Post # 8
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

You are doing just fine.  The biggest key is to respond to your daughter’s needs, and that is the key to attachment parenting.  Attachment disorders come from the child having a need that is not met and the repetitive cycle of the needs not being met manifests itself by the child in various ways such as shutting him/herself off from others, going from adult to adult cruising for a parent, hoarding, pica, and behavior issues. 

The bottom line is that children go through stages, and right now, your daughter needs you.  By interacting with your daughter face-to-face, engaging with her during the daily caring actions (i.e. bathing, feeding, changing) your daughter will become a well-adjusted child.  You are doing fine.

When people make comments on how to parent, give them the line “I’ll keep that in mind.”  Then, do that you feel is right.  At four months old, you cannot spoil your daughter. 

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Stranger anxiety is a NORMAL phase of her development – it’s not your doing and you are not spoiling her. Every baby goes through it to some extent. It actually signals some very good things: that she recognizes her caregiver, that she feels safe and comfortable with you, and that her instinct teaches her to protect herself by staying close to her caregiver. Explain to your family that it’s not about them, it’s perfectly normal. I would worry if she NEVER does this. 

The anxiety will fade away as she grows up. For now, enjoy your baby, and ignore the naysayers. She’s 4-month-old!

Post # 10
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

Please.  Cuddle your little girl as much as you want, and as often as you can.  When our baby girl was 7 weeks old, she ended up being hospitalized for over 6 months due to a very rare condition.  Much of that time we couldn’t even hold her because she was hooked up to so many tubes/breathing machines etc etc.  Thankfully, she pulled through, and we’ve been home for 8 months.  Before the hospital we read all the books, tried to do everything right based on what we “should” be doing.  Now we just do what we feel is right.  You’re doing a great job! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  The running joke in my family was that my cousin’s kid would never end up learning to walk because he was always being held.  He turned out fine. 

Post # 11
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  The running joke in my family was that my cousin’s kid would never end up learning to walk because he was always being held.  He turned out fine. 

Post # 12
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

My mom always used to say ‘you hold your baby 24/7 for nine months of their life and then all of a sudden you stop. You can’t really spoil them because anything you do is going to be less than what they had before.’ I thought it was a really good way of looking at it (:

Post # 13
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You are doing great, however I do agree with the poster maybe you should have your daughter spend a day or a few hours away from you.  This way it helps her also to figure out that it is okay to be away from mommy too. 

My son is the same age as your daughter 4 months.  He has had no anxiety towards new people yet.  I work full time and he goes to day care, plus he spent the first 25 days of life in the NICU unit since he was born 7 weeks early.  Sure he cries, and I can calm him normally faster than anyone else.  He is a happy baby, and usually can charm everyone with his little smiles…

Post # 14
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

there is no such thing as spoiling a baby. This is the time when she will develop attachement style, and you want her to have a secure one.

Post # 15
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

At 4 months, being distressed when away from you is totally normal. Without it, caveman era babies wouldn’t survive. Her crying is her body’s biological programming saying ‘where is the warm person with the breasts who I trust to feed me and take care of me? Come back right now warm person with breasts! I want you close by in case I need you, I don’t know if this different smelling person can keep me alive like you do.’ Its the same reason babies scream blue murder when you leave the room, they have no concept of other people or space, so if they can’t see or hear or smell you, they think you are gone forever. Once she is older and can understand that you always come back, she will open up more to strangers and people she only sees occasionally. You are not spoilling her, she will be fine. 🙂

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