- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
Sorry this is so long!
My husband and I have a 4-month-old daughter. It probably goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: she is the world to us.
My husband works full-time and I left my job a month before she was born to become a stay-at-home mom.
I try to get out of the house most days, whether for a walk in the park, a play date with other new moms and their babies, a trip to the supermarket/Target/etc., or to see family. Though, now and then we spend the day at home. I’ve never been shy about other people holding her. I’ve always felt that was important, and she did well with it… until very recently. All of this is to tell you that we aren’t cooped up in the house and I’m not the only person she ever sees.
We are following many aspects of the Attachment Parenting model. For us, this means having our daughter sleep in our room (but not in our bed); wearing her in a mei tai at least once per day, whether out or just around the house; nursing/napping on demand; rocking her to sleep at night as needed, etc.
During her first few months, I would hold her most of the time. Of course, I put her down now and then for a nap or to give myself a break. But my philosophy was that if she was awake, I didn’t want her in the swing or on her own. I wanted her with me.
Lately, though, my daughter sometimes cries when other people hold her — whether it’s her grandparents, our family members, our friends, and sometimes even my husband. When she comes back to me, however, she stops crying. Granted, this most often happens when it’s close to her bedtime, so she might be tired, but it has happened at other times of the day.
Recently, both my father and father-in-law remarked that I’m “spoiling” our baby, simply becuase she cried when they held her. This really annoyed me. After all, she’s just a baby, doing what babies do. Even though my husband is very involved in her care, the fact remains that I am her primary caregiver. I’m also exclusively breastfeeding with no bottles, so that probably adds to her connection to me.
My fear is this: we like the Attachment Parenting model because, ultimately, we hope it’s going to help her to develop the confidence and security to be a well-rounded, well-developed adult. But right now, she seems to always want to be with her Mommy. I don’t always grab her back when she starts to cry because sometimes I can encourage the other person to comfort her to the point where she stops crying. But if not, or if her crying is very strong, then I’ll take her back right away.
Are we doing something wrong? Is there something we should be doing?
I’d love some thoughts.