(Closed) “You’re spoiling your baby.”

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Where in the world were your father and Father-In-Law when you and your husband were babies?  How did they make it through raising children without reaizing that babies cry and babies like their mothers?

Sheesh.  Talk about stapping defeat out of the jaws of victory! Sounds like you’re an awesome mom and they should be pretty tickled that their grandchild is being raised in such a thoughtful, caring way.

Post # 18
206 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you can spoil a child with love and attention. Sweets, toys and TV, yes, but not intimacy with mom. 

At some point, I’d start trying to build a stronger bond with dad, but 4 months is still pretty early, especially if you’re still exclusively breastfeeding. 

Post # 19
2140 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am obviously not a mother yet but speaking from my views as a aunt with my nephew. I know nothing of the parenting methods. But what you are describing is VERY similar to what happened with my eldest nephew.

My SIL and brother went out plenty and other people held my nephew plenty too. But my SIL LOVED to encourage the fact that my nephew when he was a baby only wanted her to hold him when he was fussy. Which was often. She had to be the one to put him to sleep. Half the time she was the only one that could console him. She thrived on that fact. She held him ALL the time. The second he murmured a cry she held him. I am NOT saying you are thriving on the fact that your daughter needs you.

I’m just warning you that my nephew became very fussy, attached and dependent on her. She finally realized this after he was about a year and tried to start weaning him of it. And getting frustrated because she could not get a moments rest. Or if they wanted to go to a movie he would literally run crying to the door.

He is SO much better since he has become a big brother.

But I’m just saying you could be setting yourself up for a very very attached baby if you hold her ALL the time.

P.S. That being said I do not think you are “spoiling” her either.

Post # 20
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is totally normal 🙂 You are doing the right thing! It sounds like she’s formed a very strong attachment to you, which is absolutely fantastic. 

Post # 21
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think what you are doing is fine- especially right now.  But as a pervious poster mentioned, over time, some children do become too dependant on just one parent.  My niece is 3 and way too attached to mommy, and cannot be held or touched by any other family member like an aunt or uncle without screaming.  Mommy go out alone?  Forget it!  At 4 months, I think you are fine, but at some point kids do need to socialize with other people and eventually go to school etc.  So maybe just be mindful about how things develop as your child grows older.

Post # 22
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

we like the Attachment Parenting model because, ultimately, we hope it’s going to help her to develop the confidence and security to be a well-rounded, well-developed adult. 

gotta ask, were you raised with the attached parenting model and if not are you a confident well rounded developed adult?  

im asking because although i have no judgment on how you are raising your child im amused by some parents that try to do it very differently from their own upbringing so they can have a “better happier” child but the parents are pretty fantastic people to begin with

maybe you can leave your baby with your parents for an hour or so and go have a pedi or something – they get to spend time with baby and you get some relaxation and baby wont miss out on a feed as you are bf’ing

Post # 23
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yeah, I’ve gotten that comment before, too.  Sigh.  Always do what YOU think is right.  You’re the parent, so you get to make the decisions, and you get to deal with the consequences (positive or negative, either way).  Separation anxiety comes in stages, and your DD is just about the right age to be starting her first round.

I have to be honest that one of my biggest parenting pet peeves is when all behavior (even normal, developmental behavior) is attributed to parenting.  If your child is shy or clingy, it’s because you didn’t do a good job of instilling independence.  If your child is easy going and out going, it’s because you parented correctly.  But so much of a child’s temperment, behavior, and personality traits come from biology.  Parenting is all about managing those inherent traits, not creating them.

Post # 24
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

ugh. there are few things i hate more than this comment right now! my son is 6 months old and one of the main reasons we recently switched daycare providers was because his caretaker told me i held him too much in the evenings/weekends and that he was becoming spoiled because he cried when she left him on his own in a bouncy/swing/exersaucer. it made me LIVID…besides the fact that i was paying for the caretakers to care for him and give him the attention he needs while im at work, infants need attention, love, and care!!! how dare anyone say you are holding your little baby too much or giving him/her too much attention. they are only little once and you should be able to cherish this time without judgement.

you know whats best for him so keep doing what you’re doing. i truly believe a little seperation anxiety at this age is normal, he is most attached to you and recognizes when he’s not in your arms, which he will likely grow more comfortable with. he’ll grow up knowing that there is always someone nearby (even if you are riiight there) who loves and protects him. ignore the comments.

Post # 25
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Everyone has their own approach and their own views.  I was also my son’s primary caregiver for 6 months, exclusively breastfeed until 4 months, and he wasn’t clingy to me (although I did put him down more than it sounds like you do in the baby seat, he spent lots of time on walks out in his stroller, etc). That said, I agree with PPs that each baby is unique – mine didn’t get upset about going to strangers until he was more like 16 months old, at 4 months old he was happy as a clam with anyone and I WISHED he wanted me more 🙂  I wouldn’t worry – follow your instincts and do what is right for you not others. 

As time goes on he will likely want more space  as he exerts his independence.

Post # 26
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your kid will be fine. Do what you feel is right. She’s just a baby…however, I will warn that the 8 month mark is usually when major separation anxiety begins so it could get worse..but I think your doing the right thing!

Post # 27
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am not a mom.  Full disclaimer.  This is totally based on what I have seen from my friends’ kids…

She would probably only want you and stop crying when you held her even if you worked 80 hours a week.  Based on what I have seen with my friends’ babies, I just think there is something special about the mother-child bond.  Plus, it seems like babies just go through stages where they just want mommy.

Also – FWIW – I don’t know anything about formal parenting methods, but I do not what my husband and my parenting method will be:  Do research, think through our decisions, discuss, and then do whatever feels the best for OUR family, and everyone else can STFU.  I know that your parents’ comments are hurtful, but you can only do what feels best for you – not what someone else thinks you should do.

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