(Closed) You're wearing WHAT to my wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Harare, Zimbabwe

I agree with PPs, she’s your grandma… you don’t have to worry about her stealing your spotlight at all. If it was a sister or friend I might (might) understand the concern, but not in this case. No one will be as fabulous as you!

Post # 17
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, even if it wasn’t your grandma, even if it was someone younger:

1. reflects poorly on them, not you

2. why do you care? its your wedding day – its about you and your husband, not what people are wearing?

3. NO ONE will mistake anyone else in the room for the bride. NO ONE.  Everyone invited obviously knows you’re the bride.

Post # 18
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

daniellemc:  Let her wear it and put her in the back of pictures, and if she asks why she’s in the back tell her the only white allowed in front is the bride? It’s not like she can outshine you anyway, but it is annoying if she has her right mind, still, and insists on doing it. If she’s off the deep end like my gran, I’d say you’re out of luck; at that point whatever makes the old lady happy for the last few years of her days is too important to demand her to wear something she doesn’t want to wear. 

Post # 19
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She’s grandma! I wish I could have had my grandmas at my wedding. I’d let them wear WHATEVER they want!!!

Post # 20
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

daniellemc:  I wouldn’t worry about it too much, tbh.  It is your day, you are the bride, and everyone will know that.  My mom wore a black and white patterned dress (mostly white) to my wedding, with a gorgeous white shawl overtop.  I helped her pick it out.  She looked beautiful and confident in it.  I wasn’t worried because everyone knew I was getting married, not her.  My photographer (unbeknownst to my mom and I) snapped a picture of her and I sitting and chatting with each other, and put a beatiful hazy/bright filter on it, and the picture looks AMAZING, becuase we were both in white which make made the picture appear to glow. Sometimes it can work out in your favor and make for some really angelic photos!!  

Post # 21
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

melonseeds:  Seriously!!! I lost my last grandparent (grandpa) 7 months before our wedding, which was held on his farm. I would have given up the entire day just to have had one more day with my grandparents.  

Post # 22
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would just leave it alone. As others have said, no one will mistake her for the bride. You did say that she likes the attention. I don’t think you can change her personality. 

Post # 23
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

turtle9748:  Agreed. I come from a culture where disrespect towards elders is absolutely not tolerated. 

Post # 24
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I didn’t think people worried about this because they honestly think someone else will be confused as the bride, but rather because it’s such a flagrant show of disrespect and it reflects badly on the entire family. This is one ettiquete rule that’s been around for an extremely long time and is pretty well known, so I think when someone purposefully goes out of their way to show off and break it, it’s a reflection of that person’s entire family. For grandma, sure, I’ll bend some rules, but if someone on my side of the family is acting out rudely or in an embarassing way, I know I’d be just as effected because they’re my guest and from my family.

 

 

Post # 25
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica

I would ask gma if she knows about the “rule” and share what was being said about her.  Let her know that people interpret it in a bad way.

She may not care …because older people ususally dont give a shit what ppl think anymore..lol.. but I would at least have the convo with her. 

I wouldnt want ppl talking badly about my gma especially if she has no clue about the faux pas she is making…

 

Post # 26
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

My Grandma was in the hospital dying when I got married. I wouldn’t have cared if she showed up in a wedding dress or a potato sack, it would have made my entire family so happy for her to be there. Talk about first world problems…

Post # 27
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

From your post, everyone knows your grandmother is nuts, an attention whore, and  inappropriate. If it was anyone else, I’d say do something. You’ve already told her no, and she refused. Let her wear the dress and make a fool out of herself.

Post # 28
Member
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Whatever…it’s grandma. Who cares? 

my grandmother is totally ridiculous and you know what? We let her be. She’s 83.

Post # 29
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m so glad others have said what I’m thinking. I would have given anything to have my grandma at my wedding, stop worrying about her taking attention away from you and be grateful that she is healthy enough to weary an ivory dress to your wedding…

Post # 30
Member
6537 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

While I absolutely agree that no one would mistake her for the bride, and that I would have loved to have my grandmother at my wedding (she had passed by then), I would speak to her about it simply because I would not want people to speak poorly about my grandma. Now, if she knows about the unspoken rule (and I can’t imagine she wouldn’t, but let’s assume the best) and chooses to wear ivory, then so be it. But if she somehow did not know, I wouldn’t want people making fun of her behind her back. I thought too highly of my grandmother not to try to prevent that if I could. 

If, however, you tell her about your concerns (that you don’t want anyone speaking poorly of her) and she still insists on the dress, then so be it. Let her wear what she wishes.

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