(Closed) “You’ve made getting married and having kids an obsession”

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you guys just need to step back for a second.  Do you really love him?  If so, I doubt the relationship has “run its course”.  Relationships take time and effort, communication and trust.  You guys just need to work on what you agree on (will you get married and have kids at some point?) and then work on how you will work towards that plan. 

Post # 4
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think a serious conversation is in order.

If you think there’s nothing to be gained from the relationship and it’s stagnant along with the two of you having different goals for life then maybe it has run it’s course.

If he is simply stating that he’s not ready to get married/have kids RIGHT now, then perhaps you just need to see if there’s a timeline. Can he honestly not see getting married/having children or is he just trying to put you off of them right now?

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

I say don’t worry too much.  He sounds like a guy that maybe just needs a little break from the wedding stuff.  Remember Mr. Bee’s 3 Step plan?  Maybe consider not talking about it and watching the baby/wedding shows?

I know a lot of guys that just get a little scared.  Perhaps pull back a little?

Hope this helps.:)

Post # 6
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Agree with camrie that a serious conversation is in order.  If you’re at the point where you’re questioning the relationship I’d say it’s better to know sooner rather than later how he views marriage generally, and marriage to you in particular.

Post # 7
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m the worst with probably sounding obsessed with weddings and babies. I bring up the topic one way or another pretty much every day. I know it’s bad, and I’m surprised my SO hasn’t used the O word to describe me yet. It’s just that they are two things I want to happen with him very badly, and have wanted for a very long time. It’s easy to get out of control, given the ample resources online and on TV.

Like others said though, maybe step back a little..try to have a convo with him about his true feelings on the topics…..good luck 🙂

Post # 8
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with previous post, it is something you two need to talk about. If he is getting uncomfortable simply because you enjoy watching those shows,he may think you are ready for those steps right now while he is not.

 FI is older than me, but when we first started dating in college, I could tell he was not ready for an engagement let alone kids. Men usually take a little longer to catch up to us women! Now that we are engaged and I have caught baby fever, I am always noticing babies and awwing over little onesies in the store. He thinks it is funny, but it does not cause problems for us because we had a discussion on when we want kids. You just need to keep talking things out and being honest. After you two talk, see how you feel about his input. Do you two want similar things over the next 5 years?

Post # 9
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

In my experience (and I’m old, so I’ve had a lot), men usually dislike it when a woman focuses her life around him or what he can provide for her (marriage, kids, etc). If he feels that your goal in life is all about being married and having kids, he is unlikely going to be excited about sharing that with you. He only sees/feels pressure to take care of you (having a good job and being financially independent may not be enough to keep him from feeling htis way).

The absolute best advice I can give you is to get a hobby, take a class, do SOMETHING that does not involve him at all. Show him that you are well equipped to have interests outside of marriage and babies, and this will make you far more interesting than someone who sits on the couch watching trash tv. Show him that you are self-sufficient, strong, and can take care of yourself, and have interesting things to share with him after you’ve enjoyed time doing something you love just for you.

 

Post # 10
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

@menobride: Couldn’t have said it better myself.  I feel like its a little like Mr. Bee’s 3-Step plan, you should be the girl that he fell in love with when you first got together.  Be self sufficient, have friends, hobbies/activities etc. 

Communication is VERY helpful, but  so are your actions.

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I agree! Don’t say anythign about it. My SO told me recently that I seem to be trying to beat my friends to the altar. This hurt me so much, it’s not even funny. I’ve never been the type of woman to try to beat someone. I have a life and am happy for my friends when they marry. I haven’t said a thing about engagement and don’t plan to. If I even think about it, I remember that comment.  🙁

I hope not talking about it helps.

Post # 12
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with the other posters, perhaps not talking about it for a bit might help. 

I totally hear you on the trash telly – I made him watch bridezillas yesterday and kept teasing him that I am going to be just like that (I am never getting married now!!)

But also – if you feel he is happy to skip the marriage part perhaps it needs to be made clear to him how important it is to you? My boy thought we would just get married when we were ready to start trying for a family, but when I pointed out how important it was to me to enjoy every phase of our relationship he changed his tune.

That said, yours seems a little over the talk for now. Why not wait for the next time it organically comes up in conversation to talk about it again and go easy for a while?

Post # 13
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

while i agree with some other posts, you have to understand that every man is different. some men run from the idea of marriage and kids while my fiance is the one who brings it up on a daily basis. he loves watching those bridal shows (mainly just bridezillas because its hilarious to him). now he is different from maybe your boyfriend. just talk to him and ask him is marriage and kids in his future. if it is not, then you have your answer or he if he doesnt know, i would really consider if he needs to be in your life. you don’t want to waste time with someone who may decide one day that marriage isnt for him if you know you want that. 

Post # 14
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think you need to talk to him about this, kids and marriage are very serious things not to be taken lightly. Ask him the reason if these things are not included and prioritized in his life with you. I think you might need to tell him WHY these things are so important to you so your SO gets where you are coming from too so he might understand why you are feeling like you do. Men can’t read our minds as much as we can read theirs so I would say that you guys should try to communicate and see where you stand in this before doing anything hastely. 

 If you are not happy with the outcome if you already had this discussion time to time without any luck, I would say do what is best for you.

Good luck! 

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