(Closed) You’ve managed to fix our problems through the silent treatement? Great!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

He tried that at first, but things didn’t ever “work themselves out” so we’d end up talking it through regardless.

Now, he doesn’t let anything go without discussing it… even when sometimes I’m the one that wants to shut down.

You just have to affirm the fact that you and your Fiance are moving into a place where it’s “you and him” that’s it.. and if you two can’t be on the same team and the same page then you’re going to have problems.

Don’t nag… just pray and affirm 😉

Post # 4
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I just keep at my husband until he finally listens and we talk it out.  Unfortunately it takes a day or two sometimes for him to finally hear me, but I don’t give up.  We WILL learn to communicate with each other if it kills HIM!!! not me 🙂 LOL  Men speak (or don’t) in a completely different language.

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I actually am a fan of walking away for a little while. I think it takes some of the crazy emotion out of it and the conversation ends up being more productive.

Now with that said, his mother is a bone of contention, and if something takes to long I will mention it everyday. We used to be really close. She would come here every Wednesday night for dinner, and his whole family came over every Sunday for breakfast, however during wedding planning everything went to shit (lots of crazy fights) and he just decided to not talk to her after the wedding for a couple of months. Now we barely see her and I know it’s rough on him. I know that he felt like he had to chose between us, even though that wasn’t my intention. Tread lightly, remember it’s his family first and he needs to make his decisions on how to handle it for now.

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m also like your husband. There are times that I just need to cool off and think about things before blowing my top. If I don’t, I’ll likely say something that I don’t mean. You can’t take back something you’ve already said, and I feel like walking away for just a bit helps me to calm down and possibly see things from his perspective.

Post # 9
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MsBrooklynA: It does suck sometimes, but that’s how my Darling Husband is wired.  Thank goodness it doesn’t happen that often.

Post # 10
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My family does the silent treatment, my mom is an expert. So in my life and my relationships I. CANT. STAND. IT. Could you write him/them a letter? That way you can express yourself, calm down, reread it, EDIT IT (I have to do this step with my boss about 6 times before I send anything out), and then let them know how you feel?

Post # 11
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MsBrooklynA: We’re the same. I grew up in the type of family where we tell each other how we feel, and can even have a total screaming match in the morning, and go out to dinner that night and forget that it even happened.  Darling Husband and his family ignore everything, and don’t have confrontations with anyone, even if they’re deserved. It’s quite awful. Sometimes I know they’re all (DH and siblings) sitting there being hurt by stuff their mother is saying or doing and no one speaks up and I just look around with my mouth open at each of them thinking say something damnit!!

Post # 12
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

OP I definitely agree it’s not your place.. but he needs to figure out that marriage = that’s his place to respectfully take up for his bride. Learning how to set boudaries with the parentals without dishonoring them or disrespecting them is VERY important. All you can do is pray and affirm…

I think what helped Darling Husband with that one was something my mom told him about me early on (we had alot of issues with with mom)…

She said, “You can be wrong as the day is long and she’ll take up for you!”

I think that helped… he started to see that it’s our job to stand up and support each other.

I’ll be praying for you guys and that he can have that assertiveness grown in him toward his parents and that their hearts will be softened to receive and accept his stance! 😉

Post # 15
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’ve been with my so for 6+ years. He is the type to shut down and run away in fights which makes me crazy! For years I would just keep going and even at the worst of times follow him and keep talking it out but the result was always the same, it only made things worse.

For me it only got better when I learned it’s not him and it’s not me, we both had to change the way we argue and meet in the middle. I have adjusted to letting things go and taking breaks to cool down and he adjusted to settling some issued right away instead if running away but this took us years and still isn’t perfect. You just have to learn how to pick your battles and how to talk to him in a way that he knows this one is important for you to win and he can take the next one.

If it’s his family issue let him handle it is best honestly sometimes we have to step back and trust them to settle things on their own

The topic ‘You’ve managed to fix our problems through the silent treatement? Great!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors