- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
I am about to go off to grad school in a few days. I’ll be living in the town where my school is during the week and spending weekends with my SO, with whom I’ve been living for 2 years. He built and owns our house, his job is in the area where we live, and we have a big vegetable garden and two cats, so it wasn’t practical or doable for him to move with me. This move, even though I’ll still see him most weekends, is really hard– it SUCKS to live apart after you’ve been living together happily for a couple years.
I am very lucky to have gotten into the grad school I’m attending, and it’s perfect for me– exactly what I need to become (hopefully) successful in my rather competitive career field– and I am very excited about my courses and my wonderful advisor and making new friends, but I am especially worried about one thing: my ex is going there too. ETA: I know for a fact that he is going because my mother still sometimes talks to him mother.
This ex-boyfriend poses a problem because:
-He was my “first love,” a childhood friend (from the time he and I were about 5) who turned into a mighty dysfunctional teenage romance, and I went to college with him for the first 2 years (until I tranferred to a different school, partially to free myself of him). Going to college with him entailed breaking up and getting back together a few times (horrible, he kept dumping me, wanting me back, and I kept stupidly taking him back, thank goodness I’ve worked through the problems I had that made me do that).
-He emotionally abused me the whole time we were together as a “couple,” basically by being hot-and-cold, with extremely unpredictable moods and by being very verbally nasty, although he never blew up at me. Mostly he was just cold and inconsiderate and sometimes actively mean, and I never knew how he was going to behave next. I have emotional scars from this relationship, that I have mostly lived down, partially because of my current SO being a good man who truly loves me and is never scary or mean, and is always trustworthy!
-I thought I’d never have to see the ex again after transferring to a different college, and it is apparently a complete coincidence that he and I are both going to the same grad school. It had literally been years since I had seen or heard from him when I went to a prospective students visiting day for my grad school last fall, and WHO walks in the door but my high-school EX!!?? I feel like I’ll never be rid of him. His interests and mine have always been very similar, so I’m not surprised he found this grad school to be right for him, too, but REALLY! WHY????!!!
It is likely that he may have some of the same classes I do. There are some patterns of unpleasant behaviour between him and me I am worried may resurface, although I will do my best not to be involved. My plan is to be polite and normal acting but to avoid him as much as I possibly can. I’m sure he has no desire to see me or interact with me, either. He has a long-time girlfriend (I can only hope that he learned his lesson with me and treats her decently!) so hopefully he will not find me at all interesting (He could not possibly be less attractive to ME).
OK, so this is kind of a rant, but also, I am wondering, how would you deal with this situation? Anything (other than avoiding quibbling and inappropriate advances) I should or shouldn’t do?
Please Note: he was never physically abusive, and I am not at all concerned about him actually being a danger to me. It’s just repulsive that he’s there at all and I need to deal somehow, and enjoy my grad school experience in spite of the dork!
Thank you bees 🙂 Sorry this is so long. . . if you got through the whole thing, thank you again!!